That lump in your throat.....

You know that feeling......when you know you are about to cry.....and you try so hard to hold it back....and all you can feel is that lump in your throat that you try to swallow.....as if you can swallow all your tears back and pretend that everything is ok.

Yeh I have that feeling but it is so strong.......stronger than ever!

We all have moments like these when everything builds up and you end up thinking about all the little details in your life that haven't gone like you planned and you worry and you think about the future and you worry.

I am not even worried at the moment to be honest, I am hurting.

Heartache.

It is such a strange feeling. I have so many mixed emotions right now, I am so happy right now with certain parts of my life but there is so much I would like to be better but I know that the part that is making me really happy is going to end soon and I am going to have to live without that and adapt to the change.

There are a few people in my life right now who have made these past few months so much easier than what they would have been, these people have been such a blessing to me personally and it just hurts thinking about missing them. I know it sounds so silly but I really will miss them so much. I was reading in a book last week about God's many wonders and one thing that struck me was the angels that he sends for us......the people who He sends to bless our lives. I love Him for that.

I don't even know what to do right now, 1.30am sitting in my room upset, I don't know who to text, should I text anyone, why should I burden others with my sadness, why don't I just pray about it.

Why don't I hand it over to God?! Because it's hard!! I know He has my best intentions but I am scared of what that involves.

All we can do is try.

Change can be hard but there are always positives.....just keep looking.